21. I am thankful for a good cry. I like to think I roll with the punches. I try to buy into the idea that I'm spontaneous and change is a positive thing. The truth of the matter is that I need a schedule. I want to know what to expect and I don't do well when I don't know. Little things often bother me but I force myself to push through. When the fiftieth "little thing" in two weeks happens however, I can no longer pretend. After having our new fridge delivered yesterday and discovering it was 1/8th of an inch too large for the hole in the kitchen, I held it together until the delivery men left. I held it together long enough to go buy Louis milk (as he had sucked the last bit down with his breakfast). I held it together as I hauled the eggs and cheese up from the basement to cook lunch. I even held it together when I hauled it all back down to the basement. When I hit my head on the light that usually hangs over our dining room table but was now in the middle of the room since the dining room table had been moved to get the too big fridge into (and out of) the house, I lost it. Poor Louis watched his mom sobbing like she had not sobbed in a long time.
I can remember very pointedly times in the last few years that I've cried like this and while the problems are never solved after the sob, the act of the sob gives me a renewed sense of power. If I survive the sob, I can conquer whatever it is that has me down and much of the hopeless feeling diminishes.
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