Day Sixteen

7:00 :   antioxidant smoothie

8:30:    detox tea

10:30:  clementines, walnuts, water
12:30:  salad (carrot, green pepper, cucumber, tomato), hard boiled egg, water
1:00:     dates, water
3:30:     walnuts, water


5:30:     Kale, White Bean, and Potato Stew, water
I loved this, as did Louis. My leftovers were sacrificed to my son! I can see making huge pots of this in the fall just as the weather starts to get cold. It seemed a little out of place as I've been wishing for spring, but it still tasted delicious! While this was cooking I also mixed up some Chickpea-Brown Rice Veggie Burgers. Sadly, one of the four ended up smooshed all over the kitchen floor. While I keep my kitchen clean, it is not clean enough to eat off of. I made some substitutions in order to keep some things in my fridge from going to waste. Black beans for chick peas and quinoa for brown rice. We'll see how they are tomorrow!


6:30:      dates, red chai tea with a splash of unsweetened almond milk
STILL NOT COFFEE :(

Day Fifteen

7:00 :   antioxidant smoothie

9:30:    peppermint tea

12:00   grapefruit, hard boiled egg, water
2:00     salad (carrot, green pepper, cucumber, tomato), water
3:00     trail mix, water


6:15     cod, quinoa, brussels sprouts, dates, water
I was starving for dinner and had quite the headache. It immediately went away when I ate though. I think my slight overeating this weekend caught up to me today. I feel like a new person after eating.


Frozen vegetables just aren't as good as fresh. I had fresh roasted brussels sprouts yesterday and frozen steamed ones today. No contest.


Things I'm thinking today:

• I'm down another two pounds this week and while logically I know that's much more typical and safe weight loss, it seems disappointing after last week. I'm now smaller than I was when I got pregnant and only 10 pounds from my wedding weight. I will most likely never get down that low again. Looking back at pictures from that time in my life I realize I was really thin. I don't remember even dieting or working out very much before my wedding. I think it was just the combined stress of graduating with my M.A., moving towns, getting ready for a wedding in a town no one lived in, preparing for Christmas, planning for our honeymoon, and getting ready to start my first full-time teaching job. No pressure there.
• As for how I'm feeling, I feel less tired during the day. I wake up refreshed and I don't feel the early afternoon drag I used to. Being naturally awake beats artificially awake any day. I have been going to bed early (even for me) though. I still need to be in bed by 9:30PM and last night it was 8:30PM. This means sacrificing alone time and time with just Nev and I once Louis is in bed. It means busting my butt when I'm at work so I can bring home as little reading, grading, and researching as possible. It's not a perfect system, but I don't know what the alternative answer is. Not sleeping doesn't work for me. My brain doesn't work as well and it puts me in a crap mood. I used to not sleep during the week, but then catch up on the weekend. That is no longer an option with Lou. This is my new normal.

Day Fourteen (HALFWAY if I go through 4 weeks)

7:00 :   antioxidant smoothie

9:30:    red chai tea

11:00   butternut squash and apple soup, water
2:00     dates, water

5:30     roasted winter vegetables, water
7:30     apple and almond butter


Things I'm thinking today:

• I'm bored. I found myself fantasizing about all of the "forbidden" foods I want to consume when this is over. I don't want this cleanse to become about what I can't have, but it's hard not to do that when you're bored. I have a couple of new recipes to try out this week so I hope that mixes it up a bit. The way today felt, there is NO WAY I'll make it four weeks. I will make it thorough three because I'm determined, but that additional seven days sounds horrible.
• To combat the boredom, I have a few new recipes to try this week.
• Toasted Coconut Museli
• Chickpea-Brown Rice Veggie Burger
• Rice Noodles with Broccoli-Almond Pesto
• Kale, White Bean, and Potato Stew
• Quinoa with Poached Egg, Spinach, and Cucumber
• I get eggs this week and I CANNOT wait!

Day Thirteen

7:00 :   antioxidant smoothie

9:30:    chocolate-peppermint tea

11:00   spinach salad with black beans, tomatoes, avocado, jalapenos, red onions and taco seasoning, water

11:45   dates, water
Still STARVING! I can't skip those morning snacks? When will I learn. I was out and about with Louis and while I remembered to pack him a plethora of snacks and drinks, I forgot about me.


3:00    roasted spiced chickpeas, dried apricots, red chai tea
I have been consistently snacking all afternoon


5:00    clementines, water

7:00     salmon, broccoli, water


8:00     dates, water


Things I am thinking today:

• I do not get enough water when I am hope on the weekends. When I'm teaching it's second nature to fill my glass up constantly, but I forget around the house. I don't feel as well when I'm not getting the hydration and I also am more hungry. Clearly by my afternoon of snacking, this is not a good thing!

Day Twelve

7:00 :   antioxidant smoothie

8:00:    detox tea
10:30:  apple, trail mix, water

12:30   salad (green peppers, tomatoes, cucumbers, carrots), water

3:30:     roasted winter vegetables, sunflower seeds, water

6:00     salt and pepper tofu , water
I was craving this ALL day. It's ALL I could think about at work. It was good tonight but I didn't cut the pieces small enough. I was juggling Louis while I cooked and I cut some corners I shouldn't have cut. It was still good but it was too mushy for my liking. Ah well, it was still good


7:00     dates, water

Day Eleven--HALFWAY!

Today is the exact middle day of my cleanse. I'm not sure I could do the last ten days again, HOWEVER in the next ten days this should only get easier. I'm loving the tofu, beans, and fish this week and next week I get to put back gluten-free grains (buckwheat, corn, millet, oats--if specifically labeled gluten free, quinoa, rice) and eggs.

7:00 :    antioxidant smoothie

8:00:     red chai tea


9:00:     salt and pepper tofu, dates, water
I am still super hungry from last night.  I never thought that my eating from yesterday may affect my eating the next day. 


3:30:     any bean dip and carrots, water
It wasn't as flavorful as I had hoped. I think I would add more seasoning, garlic, and onion next time.


6:00:     salmon and roasted winter vegetables, water 
I substituted some of the veggies for things I had on hand. I ended up with leeks, carrots, mushrooms, brussels sprouts, garlic, and cauliflower. They were wonderful! I have a container in the fridge for lunch tomorrow and I am excited for a tasty lunch. 


7:00:      apple with almond butter


Things I'm thinking today

• Happier day today as I now understand that Louis' daycare will not be closed even if they decide to close Price Lab. I still hurt at the thought of the decision and think it is the wrong choice for our University. It's easier to resist temptation when I'm in a better mood. This takes the immediate stress off of me, but does not solve the larger inequity at hand. 

Day Ten

7:00 :    antioxidant smoothie

8:00:     red chai tea
DELICIOUS! Would be even better with milk but I'm dealing.

10:30:   trail mix, water

12:30   salad (green peppers, tomatoes, cucumbers, carrots, walnuts), water


2:30:    grapefruit, walnuts, water
While I really would have loved this covered in cheese, sour cream, and tortilla chips, I really enjoyed it. 

8:45    Fish tacos--without the taco (cod, black beans with taco seasoning, avocado, tomato, red onions), water

SO HUNGRY!!!! We went to Ash Wednesday services after work and then to the meeting at Price Lab School to hear President Allen discuss his intentions to close down the school (and in conjunction our amazing daycare). My heart breaks for the students that will miss out on the amazing education the school offers, the university students who will not get the opportunity to work with teachers who are trained to help them become strong teachers, the great teachers who will be out of work, my child and his new friends who are comfortable in their current daycare situation and will need to start over someplace else, and the parents who want the best for their kids. I have not lost hope, but I feel to be a responsible parent I have to plan for the worst. Nevin and I will start researching other daycare centers this weekend.

Things I am thinking today:

• Most emotions makes me want to eat, but bummed out is the one that I find hardest to placate. Eating vegetables just don't make me feel better. I want cookies. Those probably won't make e feel better either, will they?

Day Nine

7:00 :    orange, berry, banana smoothie

8:00:     cardamom cinnamon herbal tea

10:30:   dates, sunflower seeds, water
I got too hungry for this snack. I had a hair appointment and then went to the grocery store. By the time I got home I was STARVING. I have a hard time when I get that hungry. I ate a much larger snack this morning than I typically would, I'll make up for it with my afternoon snack.

1:00:    spinach salad with black beans, tomatoes, avocado, jalapenos, red onions and taco seasoning, water
While I really would have loved this covered in cheese, sour cream, and tortilla chips, I really enjoyed it. 

5:15:    salt and pepper tofu, water
HOLY CRAP! This stuff was amazing. I actually made it to eat for lunch tomorrow and then started snacking on it, offering some to Louis, and giving Nevin bites. Pretty soon I was full and it was half gone. I didn't put in the sugar because of the cleanse and I didn't miss it. I wish I could figure out how to get every single piece with that deliciously, perfect, crunchy outer layer. I might cook it an extra two minutes next time and serve it with rice and broccoli maybe. Delish! I'll keep that recipe for non-cleanse time too.

Things I am thinking today:

• I miss eating with my family. I have spent much of our meal time hiding in the other room for the last week because I don't exactly have strong will-power. The other times I try to eat before the guys do, then at least I'm not hungry as I watch them eat CHEESE. Man, I miss cheese. I may miss cheese more than eating with my family...
• I saw the Easter candy at HyVee today when I ran in for five spice powder (something I have never had but really enjoy) and I only had a twinge of sadness when I saw the black jelly beans. My cleanse will be over long before April 8th so maybe I can sneak in at least one handful of my favorite holiday treat. 
• Still missing coffee...will that desire ever go away? I don't miss the caffeine. I have been surprising more awake. I can't explain it but it's true. I still want to go to bed early, but my afternoon slump isn't as pronounced. 

Day Eight

WEEK 2! Yippie! I made it! I have had nothing but fruit, vegetables, nuts, and healthy oils and spices since February 12. I never stick to anything so this feels pretty great. I like that the diet changes each week as it gives me a new thing to focus on. I really don't think I could stick to week 1 at this point.

7:00 :    orange, berry, banana smoothie

Again, I mixed this up yesterday and drank it this morning. It could have been that Louis kept us up half the night but I just didn't love this today. I think the pulp of the orange juice did something weird over night. I don't like thick, fibrous smoothies apparently.

8:00:     detox tea

9:00:     chocolate peppermint tea

10:00:   grapefruit, water

12:30:   salad (orange peppers, tomatoes, cucumbers, carrots, walnuts), water

2:30:     walnuts, water

6:15:     SALMON!!!!!!!, broccoli, dates (still hungry), water

8:00:     apple, almond butter

Things I am thinking today:

• As of this morning, I am down 8 pounds from one week ago. Now before you get too worried about me (or rush out and start your own cleanse), I ate and drank everything I wanted on the weekend prior to starting. This caused me to retain a BUNCH of water on Monday morning. Also I forgot to weigh before working out and downing a giant water bottle that first weigh in. I guarantee this upped my weight a bit and I lost four of these pounds in two days. I would estimate my true weight loss at just under four pounds for the week. This will slow down considerably as the next two weeks go on because I will be adding more caloric foods back into my diet. Like I said, I didn't do this for the weight loss but it's an okay side effect. 
• As I look ahead I wonder how this three week (21 day) cleanse will affect my eating in the long run. This entire cleanse is not sustainable, I feel deprived of too many things. On the other hand, if this has no long term effects, why did I do it? As the toxins leave my body and I feel the ache as they depart, I understand the need to cut the amount of processed foods as much out of my diet as possible. As I yearn for cheese and milk though, I know I will not/cannot cut that out. The vegan alternatives are processed to death and I cannot live a fulfilled life without pizza! The big change I hope to make is taking the time to bake/cook more. If I want a cookie--FINE--bake some cookies. A burger--FINE--make it! McDonalds and Oreos don't need to be in my life but cookies and burgers can be (in moderation). The biggest obstacle to this change though is what it always seems to be with me, time and energy. 
• The body aches are not as bad as they were, but I still am having them. The headaches have gotten a lot better though. Now I only get a hint of one when I'm getting hungry. I need to focus on the next couple of days on my energy level. I really think I'm less tired, but I'm not sure. I haven't been thinking too much about it.

Day Seven

7:00:    berry-banana smoothie

7:30:    chocolate peppermint tea

10:00:  walnuts, dates, water 

1:00:     roasted cauliflower, sweet potato, sunflower seeds, water 

6:00:     cinnamon poached apple, water
7:30:     chocolate peppermint tea, walnuts


Things I'm thinking today:

• Hot tea is not coffee. It just isn't very good. Maybe if I could add some milk in it or something...
• The reason people don't eat like this is because it's so much dang work. Seriously!
• I am SO PROUD to have reached the end of week one. Tomorrow I eat beans and fish. Probably not together, but we'll see!

Day Six

7:00:    berry-banana smoothie

7:30:    peppermint tea

10:00:  walnuts, dates, water 

1:00:     salad (yellow pepper, tomato), water 

5:30:     butternut squash soup, walnuts, water
8:00:     apple with almond butter

Things I'm thinking today:

• Being around people eating real food today wasn't nearly as difficult as I thought it might be. I was jealous of the great smelling popcorn at the movie theatre, but I pushed through with grape tomatoes. 
• If I ever eat this many vegetables in a week again, I will do it in the summer. Finding great looking veggies 

Day Five

6:30:  berry-banana smoothie

7:00:   detox tea

10:00:  clementines, water 

12:00:  salad (cucumber, yellow pepper, tomato, sunflower seeds), water 

2:00:    cranberry-pumpkin seed trail mix, water 
3:00:    dates, water
5:30:     roasted veggies (mushrooms, spinach), baked sweet potato with cinnamon, water

Things I'm thinking today:

• Maybe instead of a massage I'll treat myself to some new jeans! I really don't buy that expensive of jeans because I really don't care. I like to be comfortable and some of those fancier jeans just don't fit me right. I refuse to pay upwards of $100 on something I don't feel good in. I actually like the AE original boot cut the best, although I do have a pair of skinny jeans that need upgraded. In the last two years I have worn four different sizes of these jeans. Granted I was wearing them up until the day I delivered Louis, but I could open a store with the variety of sizes I have in my closet. The smallest size though, I haven't purchased since 2009 and could use an overhaul. I think walking around in too big of pants looks just as bad as too small (only for different reasons). Since Nev won't have to take me out for a fancy dinner on Saturday night, I might suggest a trip to the mall instead.
• I like to drive Nevin crazy by reminding him that I am the best dieter ever! While it's taken me over a year, I have lost just under 60 pounds. Now while this highlights just how huge I got while pregnant, it also makes me feel good about where I'm at. When he gives birth to our second child, I'll let him brag about his weight loss as much as he wants. 
• My legs and hips have been really achy and sore. It got so bad last night that I couldn't fall asleep. I thought it was because I wore heals on Wednesday, but I Googled it tonight and apparently that's a side effect of a cleanse.

Day Four

6:30:  berry-banana smoothie, cucumbers
Louis wanted the cucumbers and peppers I was cutting up for my lunch so I gave him some.    He would only eat them if I was eating them too. What a goofball. 

7:00:   detox tea

No lemon water/tea this morning because I ran out of time. It's a busy week at work.

10:30:  clementines, water 

12:30:  salad (cucumber, yellow pepper, tomato, sunflower seeds), water 

I had to eat on the go this afternoon and didn't even have a plate and fork. Mixing this all together in a baggie seems to be close to a salad. Right?

1:00:    cranberry-pumpkin seed trail mix, water 

Still hungry after my half-ass salad lunch. 


3:30:     walnuts, dates

7:00:    roasted vegetables (broccoli, cauliflower, sweet potato) with olive oil, water

Things I'm thinking today:

• My weight is officially down lower than it has been in two years. While I'm not going on this cleanse specifically to lose weight, dropping an extra five pounds would be a welcome side effect. 
• I'm nervous for this weekend. I'm supposed to go to a movie with my girlfriends on Saturday and it is going to kill me not to eat that yummy smelling popcorn. Much of the fun we have together includes food and it's hard not to partake. Besides it's hard to be a friend to someone who isn't partaking. I don't like to think of us pressuring each other but I do know I don't feel as good about the cookie I'm eating when the person sitting next to me isn't enjoying one. These are some of the very feelings I would like to work on when dealing with my relationship to food.
• I have a gift card from Christmas for a massage. I'm thinking about scheduling it for next weekend to celebrate being half way done. If I cheat I could force myself to cancel it. Maybe that's motivation...

Day Three

6:30:  up for the day

7:00:  antioxidant smoothie

7:30:  I packed my hot water and lemon in a reusable thermos today and added an herbal tea bag. Much better!

10:30:  clementines, water 

12:30:  salad (spinach, red cabbage, carrots, chia seeds, sunflower seeds)
I forgot the rest of my veggies today so I was at the mercy of my office fridge. Blech. Boring and not very good. 

12:30:   detox tea

2:30:    butternut squash and apple soup, tomatoes, water
A snack wasn't going to cut it this afternoon. My lunch was disappointing and I couldn't keep the hunger at bay with a handful of nuts. 


3:30:    sesame-kale crisps, dates
A pretty good snack and Louis seemed to enjoy sneaking bites. 


I went to bed at 6:00. I am lucky to have a husband who doesn't roll his eyes at that request. I'm hoping it's enough to kick start my energy.

Things I'm thinking today:

First twinges of real hunger this afternoon. I hate being hungry!

I am EXHAUSTED. Lack of caffeine, lack of carbs...

Day Two

5:30:  hit the snooze for an extra ten minutes of sleep and then heard Louis shrieking. He always gets up in the morning and talks for a bit before going back to sleep for another hour, but he never wakes up screaming. I ran in to get him thinking something must be wrong. Nope. He just wanted up. No workout AND no extra sleep. Bummer.

I also skipped my hot water and lemon. I couldn't bring myself to do it.

7:00:  green smoothie

This was better today. I added more water to thin it out and blended it up longer. There were less chunks and the smooth texture helped. I also added ice so it was nice and cold. Do I love them? No. I will continue to drink them until my kale is gone though. Next week I may move on to another recipe. 


8:00:   watched Louis drink "pink" milk and eat french toast and apples at daycare for our Valentine Breakfast. I managed to not grab one for myself, but that maple syrup smelled wonderful!

9:00:   detox tea

10:30:  clementines, water 

12:30:  roasted veggies, water 

I couldn't do a salad today.The negative side to following another woman's plan, is that I would personally like to eat on my salads. Tonight I'm stopping at the store and stocking up on tomato, cucumbers and mushrooms. I think this will make me MUCH more excited for my upcoming lunches. It's not pizza, but it's something!


A much needed nap. The beauty of my job is that I didn't have meetings this afternoon so I went to the grocery store after lunch and came home. It means I'll start my grading when Louis goes to bed and be up late tonight, but it's a fair switch.

3:30:    a couple of dates, water 

6:00:    butternut squash and apple soup, water
Apparently Louis and Nevin had leftover pizza without me last night, so for Valentines Day I made them spaghetti and heart shaped garlic bread. 

While I cooked for them, I made my soup. Cooking and eating wasn't tempting but cleaning up after the meal took a lot of willpower. There's something about stealing a noodle and dipping it in sauce as you put things away, but I resisted. It was even harder to resist the giant cookies my mom sent for a Valentine's Day present! 

Louis and Nevin shared one though and I will be freezing mine. 

You better believe I will eventually be relishing in one of those! Louis was sad his was gone (we stole half of it back when he wasn't looking). I'm sad I don't get mine until March...

Things I'm thinking today:

Still not nearly as hungry as I thought I would be.

I miss substantial meals.

I gave Nevin a card today that said, "I love you more than coffee." After the last two days, that's really saying something!

I'm already getting sick of veggies. I love them, but I need someone to come whip up something new and exciting for me!

Day One

5:30:  30 minutes on elliptical (while watching an episode of Revenge. I'm hoping that wanting to know what happens will get me out of bed tomorrow)

6:30:  hot water and lemon

I've done this before on another health craze and it doesn't get any easier. I don't know why it's so hard for me to get it down but I do not like the taste of    hot lemon water. I love it cold on ice, but this is entirely different.

7:00:  green smoothie

I made these yesterday because I didn't want to run the blender and wake Louis      in the morning. First, I don't think I added enough water and secondly, it got really thick overnight. This may not be a step I am willing to cut time on. We'll see. I'm also pretty lazy. If my options are getting up earlier or choking down a thick smoothie, I have a feeling sleep will win.

9:00:   detox tea

While the taste is good, it's definitely not coffee and that makes me sad. I also took ibuprofen with it to ward off the massive caffeine headache I'm liable to have by the end of today. I should have cut caffeine out more gradually last week, but I just love it too much

10:30:  clementines, water 

I love clementines. Love them! They are juicy, delicious and not too messy. They also make my office smell AMAZING! Side effect of all this water...I have gone to the bathroom half a dozen times already today. I don't have time to keep that up!

12:30:  salad (spinach, red cabbage, carrots, sunflower seeds, chia seeds with fresh avocado dressing), water 

I put WAY too much lemon in my avocado dressing. Holy buckets! Otherwise, the salad was good though. I wish I had someone to cook for me. I love a good salad, but it's so time consuming. Cutting everything and putting it all together. It's never as good when I do it myself! Gotta run off an fill up my water bottle again. I'm keeping the headache at bay by flooding myself, I think.

2:30:    cranberry-pumpkin seed trail mix, water 
Yummy. Yummy. Yummy. It was a struggle not to eat cup after cup of it though!

7:00:    roasted vegetables with olive oil

So glad Nev and Lou went to a basketball game tonight, I'm not sure I could watch them eat plates of spaghetti without being super bummed. I thought I would be starving by the time I got home, but instead I'm feeling less than interested in dinner. When I get off work tomorrow I plan on making a giant pot of soup (butternut squash) but I just don't have it in me tonight. 


8:00:    antioxidant smoothie, a date
This smoothie was tart but much more palatable than the green one. And the date tasted like dessert. A sweet way to end the day!


Things I'm thinking today:
I'm not nearly as hungry as I thought I would be.
I wish I had a personal chef. I don't mind eating healthy but the preparation is killer. 
I miss coffee. I love coffee. Sob. Sob. Sob.

Cleanse

I have been reading about the Whole Living Cleanse for the last month and tomorrow I'm jumping in. I planned to get started last week but a family emergency (aka my brother's appendix rupturing) and lack of preparation kept it from happening. I was going to do it in conjunction with Dusty on All Things G&D, but I actually think it may be to my advantage to be one week behind her.While this means she'll be through some of the struggles before I get there, it also means I can take her organization and preparation and use it to my benefit. On Friday, I pulled together a bunch of recipes and a pretty complete grocery list. Today I took a trip to the produce section at HyVee and chopped bags of vegetables and mixed up some fresh dressing for my salads for the week.

While I'm sure no one recommends starting a diet in the worst valley possible, I definitely overindulged today on the things I won't get for the next couple of weeks. Pancakes for breakfast, M&M's and a frappuccino for lunch, pizza for dinner and I plan to pair the Grammy's with a nice glass of wine! I'm not sure my diet today will make tomorrows veggies, fruit, nuts, and water that much easier but at least I'll have the memories of today!

This week I plan on focusing my blog on the cleanse. That may make my posts boring (cranky), but it'll be an easy way to hold myself accountable. The big rules of the three (to four) week cleanse is NO added sugar, NO processed food or beverages, NO gluten, NO dairy, NO caffeine, and NO alcohol. Week one focuses on fruits, nuts, vegetables, seeds, and plant-based fats and oils. I can do anything for a week, right?

One of the points of the cleanse is to think about why exactly I'm doing it. While I do hope to lose five  pounds, my three main goals are related to my longer term relationship with and want from the food I eat.

1. I hope to find a more genuine energy and wakefulness. It doesn't matter how much caffeine I drink lately or how early I go to bed. I am exhausted ALL OF THE TIME!

2.  A would like a better sense of control over what I'm putting in my body. I've done a genuinely good job of cutting fast food almost entirely out of my diet (except for the rare occasion when I don't really enjoy it anyway and regret it almost immediately), but cutting processed foods out is tougher. I'm in a busy, working family. It's hard to find the time to cook and consume balanced meals.

3. I long for a stronger connection to why I am eating what I am eating in this moment. I am a comfort eater. It is a way of celebrating, mourning, relaxing, de-stressing, worrying, and procrastinating for me. I would really like it to be first and foremost, a way of sustaining.

Cheers to a new adventure!

Discipline

At 16 months old, Louis is starting to push our limits. There was a short window of time when he began to understand us and then was excited to follow any directions. He is now a big fan of "no" and running away from us when we are trying to get his attention.When he gets really frustrated, he has started throwing a mini temper tantrum that ends with his butt up in the air and his forehead on the floor like a tepee. It would be adorable if it wasn't paired with an awful screaming.

This week an angry father's YouTube video disciplining his daughter went viral. People have commented on the video in a variety of ways. Some liken him to a parenting hero while others accuse him of child abuse. It is clear to me that his daughter is a frustrated and spoiled fifteen year old who is using strong language in order to ridicule her parents. But it is also clear to me, that in his disciplining, this father is frustrated and spoiled and he is using strong language in order to ridicule his daughter. I understand his frustration, but he is doing exactly what I try to resist when I want to form my own tepee next to my son. Discipline would be a lot easier if we didn't have to worry about reinforcing the very behaviors we are trying to change.

Last night I left Louis to his tepee and walked into the other room. He eventually stopped throwing a fit in order to find me and we grabbed a book and moved on. While the fits will become more difficult and loaded as the years go on, I hope that I continue to respect my child as a person and remember to model the behavior I expect from him.

Stream of consciousness

My son needs his hair cut. I've been trimming it for the last six months but I am not a hairdresser. It needs some loving  but I don't want to pay for a $35 haircut. I feel badly every time I pull his stocking hat off and the static cling grips every strand of his hair to his face. Poor guy!

<3 

I have really been neglecting my camera and memory keeping since Christmas. It's one of the first things to go when I get busy and this semester has been swamp worthy.

<3 

Sitting on the couch surrounded by a freshly scrubbed home is one of the greatest feelings imaginable. Especially when my husband did the work and I get to reap the benefits.

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They have Valentine's Day cups at Starbucks right now. I always look forward to the Christmas ones, but I don't remember these. It put a smile on my face this morning when the barista handed me my caramel macchiato though (as if a giant coffee doesn't always do that for me)!

I'm teaching research skills in my oral communication classes today. It's such an important topic and yet SO HARD to teach. They get bored and check out and later when I'm grading their speeches and they did crap research and didn't even try to do a proper citation, I want to bang my head against the wall. I think I have a solid plan for the day though...we'll see...

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I ate a lot more healthy when I was pregnant and breastfeeding. Now that I have no one to take care of but my own body (after almost TWO YEARS of incubating and feeding another human), I am AWFUL. At work I just get so busy that I grab less than nutritious snacks. I'm not one of those people that doesn't eat, instead I have tootsie rolls and crackers for lunch. Yesterday it was a ginormous UNI sugar cookie. Perhaps taking care of myself needs to become a priority?

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I've thought about cutting Grey's Anatomy  and Private Practice out of my DVR almost every week for the last two years, but I just can't make myself do it. As awful as they both are, I can't cut ties. I have to know from week to week exactly who is sleeping with who and how everyone feels about it. 

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Tonight for our Friday family night dinner I adapted a recipe I found on Iowa Girl Eats. These mini Mexican bites are wonderful! Instead of the chili I mixed up black beans and refried beans with some taco seasoning and put them in regular sized muffin tins. They were delicious and Louis even ate them. A Valentine's weekend miracle!

<3

This is one of the single most random thing I have ever written. Hopefully my three readers won't be too disappointed!

Toot Toot, Chugga Chugga, Big Red Car

Louis hates the car. This is not a new thing. It has been going on since he was 36 hours old and we bundled him into his car seat for the first time. He started screaming that bloodcurdling shriek every parent knows and fears. Nevin and I walked out of the hospital engulfed in panic as all eyes were on us. We had been parents for less than two days and our child was already embarrassing us.

Screaming as we put him into the car seat.

Lou is now almost 16 months old and other than a brief fascination with Christmas with the Chipmunks, nothing has kept him from screaming in his car seat since that first ride a year and a half ago. I have reached my breaking point. Getting him out the door to daycare every morning is tough enough, but when I get anywhere near putting him in the PT he tightens his legs into a plank position and lets out a guttural howl. I don't know if it is more a showcases of his strength or my weakness but after the howling starts, he wedges his giant melon against the top of the car seat and his legs against the back seat and I CANNOT get him into a seated position. At this point (every day, mind you) I have two options, 1) physically force my child to do something he does not want to do...something I am against on all levels or 2) wait it out and hope my eardrums survive and we aren't too late for our day. The only solution I have come up with is something with which I'm not entirely comfortable. Do we go against the new(ish) APA standards, and turn his car seat around a full eight months before he is two?

Still screaming one year later.

I was considering taking the leap a couple of months ago. I had never been in a car accident, we didn't exactly have a child on the small side of the spectrum, and I recognized that being a parent was constantly trying to make your own decisions in the midst of multiple, contradictory "well meaning" recommendations. The day after Nevin and I decided we would make the switch that following weekend, I pulled out in front of a car and ended up in a collision with another person. Now we were back to worrying about the safety of it all. It goes without saying, I would rather listen to him screaming than the alternative.


Am I being ridiculous? Will turning him around even stop the screaming? Am I going to be driving my screaming, fifteen-year-old, six foot tall son to basketball practice or jazz band rehearsal?