Days of Thanksgiving: Twenty-One

21. I am thankful for a good cry. I like to think I roll with the punches. I try to buy into the idea that I'm spontaneous and change is a positive thing. The truth of the matter is that I need a schedule. I want to know what to expect and I don't do well when I don't know. Little things often bother me but I force myself to push through. When the fiftieth "little thing" in two weeks happens however, I can no longer pretend. After having our new fridge delivered yesterday and discovering it was 1/8th of an inch too large for the hole in the kitchen, I held it together until the delivery men left. I held it together long enough to go buy Louis milk (as he had sucked the last bit down with his breakfast). I held it together as I hauled the eggs and cheese up from the basement to cook lunch. I even held it together when I hauled it all back down to the basement. When I hit my head on the light that usually hangs over our dining room table but was now in the middle of the room since the dining room table had been moved to get the too big fridge into (and out of) the house, I lost it. Poor Louis watched his mom sobbing like she had not sobbed in a long time.


I can remember very pointedly times in the last few years that I've cried like this and while the problems are never solved after the sob, the act of the sob gives me a renewed sense of power. If I survive the sob, I can conquer whatever it is that has me down and much of the hopeless feeling diminishes.

Days of Thanksgiving: Twenty

20. I am thankful for my love. He is my best friend. He has been there for me in the best and worst moments in my life. He is undeniably funny. He is caring and gentle. He is a great dad. He is an amazing partner. He is a giant goofball. He is my favorite.

Days of Thanksgiving: Nineteen

19. I am thankful for the Hallmark Movie channel and DVR. Louis decided after sleeping for three hours last night that he was wide awake. None of my usual tricks worked. Stories-nothing. Snack-nothing. Rocking-nothing. Nursing-nothing. Singing-nothing. After fighting with him for an hour, I finally gave in and came downstairs to play and watch a movie. He finally gave in to the sleepies about 1:00AM, but while we played blocks I also got a cheesy movie fix!


One day he won't need me to keep him company late at night when he isn't tired. One day he won't let me rock him. One day he won't want to spend his Thanksgiving break nights with his mama. One day he won't sit in the same room as me while I watch Eve's Christmas.

Days of Thanksgiving: Eighteen.

18. I am thankful for weekends with family. Last weekend we spent some time with my family in Storm Lake and we'll be in Marengo for Thanksgiving later this week. Although we live much closer to our families than some, we still don't get there nearly as much as I wish we could. Between our busy schedules, need for downtime and the stress of traveling with a one-year-old who HATES the car, we're lucky to get back every six weeks.Once we're there, the time always goes too fast. 


I fantasize about living closer so I can swing over for a cup of coffee with my mom or make it to one of the girls' volleyball games. We could have idyllic Sunday brunches and Louis could have one on one time with all of his aunties and uncles. Instead of the focus on what I don't have however, the point of Days of Thanksgiving is to focus on what I do. Louis had a wonderful time, although he would have loved more time with his Papa who stayed away because of a stomach bug. We ate GREAT food and laughed a lot. We shared stories and memories and played games. I'm thankful for a family that I genuinely like as well as love.

Days of Thanksgiving: Seventeen

17. I am thankful for bath time. Because I'm still nursing at night, Nevin usually does bath time. It gives us both a little bit of  alone time after a long day at work. Sometimes, Nevin just needs a break and I just need a little more time with the boy. Bath time always cheers me up. Louis is goofy and happy in the tub and it's ten minutes of uninterrupted time with just the two of us. We read the same three books over and over and help Captain B catch his fish. He laughs and splashes and I cannot multitask. Bath time is good for the soul!

Days of Thanksgiving: Sixteen

16. I am thankful for a slow day. A day where there is no place to be and no reason to get out of our pajamas. These days don't come around very often but I'm hoping that during my week off I can at least get one. With the size of my to do list, I'm going to make it a priority. 

Days of Thanksgiving: Fifteen

15. I am thankful for lists. I put everything into lists. To do. Wants. Needs. Hopes. Books to read. Goals to work toward. Things to stop doing. Grocery lists. Things that make me happy. Things that upset me. The next year. The next five years. The next twenty years. I love crossing things off of my list, but even more than that I love the act of writing the list.


Writing a list is the first step in conquering the unconquerable. It organizes my thoughts and makes everything look at least a bit more manageable. When life gets overwhelming, I first take a deep breath and then sit down with a notebook and a pen. I cannot even count the amount of times in my journey to becoming a mom, that I sat with paper in hand. "Get pregnant' and "stay pregnant" did not come as easy things to cross off my personal list, but I could "quit drinking caffeine," "buy skinny jeans and enjoy enjoy your body now" or "go out on a fun date with Nevin and then sleep until noon the next day." Lists have given me pseudo-control when I've been grasping for something, anything to center me.


I have been known to put things on my list solely for the purpose of crossing them off in the next few minutes, hours or day. Some of the things may not be crossed off for weeks, months, or even years but "shower" can be immediately tackled and conquered. 


Amandajean-1 Universe-O.